


More Poor Life Choices?

by TheGirlWhoHeldOn



Series: Poor Life Choices [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Dean, Bisexuality, Demisexual Castiel, Demisexuality, Dysfunctional Family, Family Drama, Multi, Nervous Castiel, Nervousness, Novak Family, Stressed Anna, Stripper Dean, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Wedding Planning, Weddings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2016-06-12
Packaged: 2018-04-08 10:18:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4300989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGirlWhoHeldOn/pseuds/TheGirlWhoHeldOn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anna's wedding is coming up! This means Anna the bridezilla, unhelpful sisters, a homemade cake and...strippers? The only question is: will Dean and Castiel's budding relationship survive it all?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Invitation

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2 because you guys seemed to like it :) Since I'm going in blind, tell me what you'd like to see. or if you want more. Or critiques, as long as you're nice about it. Enjoy!

Anna’s wedding to Michael was in a week. Almost everything was prepared—the flowers, the music, the dress, the food, the guests. Everything seemed to be just as Anna wanted it. Except for one or two little things of course, like in every wedding.

In Anna’s case one of the little things—well, technically people—was Castiel.

“I cannot believe you waited until the last second!” The bride bemoaned dramatically from outside his fitting room. Undoubtedly half of her face was in her hands while the other was reading texts from guests and whatnot. By the sound of her voice, Castiel couldn’t tell if she was actually upset or not. Her dramatic flair made figuring that out quite hard.

If he had to guess, she had to be at least a little freaked out. After all, he hadn’t seen her this stressed since her graduation from university.

Boy was that an adventure. It mostly consisted of juggling family members and goodbyes, mixed with reality and adulthood punching her in the face. Thankfully she had been able to keep her cool despite it all. Her trick was Castiel, Jo and a flask.

Hopefully she would not need that flask.

“I’m sorry Anna.” To be fair he had a pretty good excuse. Finals were hell. But that wouldn’t appease her, so he kept his mouth shut.

“I know you are.” Anna sighed from the other side of the wall. She lost her dramatic flair.

“It’s okay. We’re almost finished here and then we can go and check on Gabriel and the cake.”

Their cousin Gabriel had been kind enough to make Anna a cake for the wedding—half off even! If they were lucky enough to actually get a cake that was.

“Thanks.” Anna said before going quiet.

The wedding was getting to her. The fact that most of her family was going to be there, that all of the planning had been left to her and the fact that she was actually getting _married_ was a bit much for her.

Castiel wished he could help, but more then likely he’d screw it up in the end. So he helped in the only way he knew how—He distracted her from the anxiety she was feeling, and lent her an ear when she needed it.

He had also talked her out of running away from it all a few times. That had always been her solution to everything that stressed her or hurt her, even when they were children. It had been a miracle that she even got through her freshman year of university let alone an engagement.

He had followed her all of his life but this time he couldn’t do it. Not when it came to finding and keeping the love of her life. That was too precious a thing to throw away. Especially when it came to them, one of the most compatible couples he had ever seen.

“Just out of curiosity, have you decided to ask Dean to the wedding yet?” Anna asked, breaking the silence. Her tone had lightened into a familiar teasing tone that made Castiel just sigh. Of course that was going to be her distraction of the hour.

“I have not, and probably won’t.” he said tonelessly, looking down at the tie in his hands. It was the final piece of the attire he threw on. It was the fifth one, suit and all, so you’d think he would have gotten used to it no? Instead he struggled. Damn tie. Maybe a bow would be easier?

“Why _not_?”

“I don’t think he’d much like being invited after only a month of dating. Wouldn’t it be too much?”

Mind you, it had been an amazing month. Despite wedding planning, finals and preparations to move out of residence, Dean and him had been conversing every day. They talked about anything and everything. They had been on at least a dozen dates, even though sometimes they only consisted of watching a movie together while Castiel packed boxes or an afternoon at the library. It made them all the closer actually. And while they had done nothing more then hug a handful of time and held hands once, Dean had been accepting and understanding. Even when Castiel had told him flat-out he was not sexually attracted to him, not yet at least, he had taken it well. He didn’t even groan about his blue balls or insisted he must feel _something_ like Barth had. He just grinned during that conversation and insisted that he didn’t mind at all. He didn’t hide that it was hard for him of course, and Castiel liked the honesty. He only didn’t like it when it was used against him—which Dean hasn’t done.

Basically, Dean was perfect. And Castiel was terrified of screwing whatever they had up.

He didn’t want to move too fast, or share too much, or enjoy Dean’s company as much as he did. He’d been down this path before and it didn’t end well for him. And yet he couldn’t stop himself from wanting.

“Who told you _that_?!”

“Rachel.” Castiel said confidently.

When Anna first suggested Dean come to the wedding two weeks earlier, Castiel had been hesitant. He would have loved to but he didn’t know whether it was the right move. So he went to his younger sister. Rachel was smart and hip. She knew everything about the modern relationship, and she had to have been right about this. Possibly.

Anna scoffed, “Seriously? She’s a freshman in college! She doesn’t even have the experience to give you that kind of advice.”

“It seemed like sound advice to me.” Castiel insisted, letting his arms drop to his sides. He gave up on his tie.

He turned to leave the fitting room and was welcomed by a frazzled-looking Anna. She had dark circles under her eyes and was wearing the most comfortable outfit she owned. This outfit of sweatpants and a t-shirt made her stand out against the semi-fancy tailor shop they were in. At that point though, she was too far gone to care.

“It is _not_! For example, Gabriel. He’s taking this woman named Kali to the wedding. When I called, he told me he only met her two weeks ago.”

“But he’s Gabriel. If anyone did something like that, it would be him. Besides, do you not want pictures of your loved ones at the wedding? Not of random strangers?” Castiel said, gesturing to his untied-tie. Anna got the hint and came over to help.

“If I really wanted that, I wouldn’t have invited Hester. Or half of the guests at the wedding.” She paused to shrug before getting back to tying the tie.

“Anna.” Castiel warned.

She perused her lips.

She hadn’t wanted to invite her family to the wedding. She had just wanted her siblings, her friends and her fiancée. But she was pressured from all sides to invite them. Michael, Rachel, even Hannah insisted that she should. Castiel tried to convince her that she didn’t have to, but after being under relentless pressure she caved. She kicked and screamed the whole time though.

“Anyways…I haven’t even brought the subject up to Dean, let alone asked him to come.” Castiel continued begrudgingly. As much as he hated to be still talking about it, it was the best distraction he had.

She seemed to take the bait. Her eyes lit up a little, and she said, “Just ask him. I’m sure he’d love to come.”

“But—“

“Just rip off the band aid Cas. In fact…” she let go of his tie and quickly strode over to Cas’ tan trench coat. Looking gleeful, she took out his phone and waltzed back over. She held it out in front of him loosely and sternly said, “Text him.”

Castiel grimaced and took the phone. He looked at his sister and his reluctance was written all over his face.

“You don’t have to do this,” Anna began with soft eyes, “But I know you want him to go. You’re just scared.”

Unfortunately for him, she was right. He was terrified. Every instinct in him screamed for him to not do this, to give up and to not even try. And he honestly could.

Then he looked at his sister. He remembered all the times where he was terrified, but she pushed him anyways. Time after time she tugged at him and held his hand and told him he’d survive. She was there pushing him when he had countless panic attacks before his high school exams and when he came out to his family. And in the end, he aced those exams, and he went to live a better life after he realized whom his real family was. He survived throughout it all and she was there for him.

With a small gulp he went into his text messages.

 _Castiel: Hello Dean._ He typed.

Castiel looked up to his sister and saw the first grin she had given him that day.

“Perfect, Cas. And did I tell you, that suit looks amazing!”

He cracked a small smile and whispered a thank you before heading back into the fitting room. As he began to change, he heard his phone buzz in the pants pocket.

_Dean: Hey Cas :) Whats up_

Castiel hastily typed out a reply before he could think.

_Castiel: Do you want to go to Anna’s wedding with me?_

He sent the text off, and deliberately ignored the next vibration the phone let out. Once he had changed into his regular clothes, he dared to look.

_Dean: Of course dude! Is there gonna be free booze? ;)_

Castiel let out a little relieved laugh before he could stop himself. Holy shit. That…wasn’t too hard?

“What did he say?” Anna called out having heard his laugh. He hastily opened the fitting room door and have her a small smile.

“He said yes.”

She squealed a tiny bit before rushing forward to hug him. He hugged back tightly.

“He wants to know if there’s going to be free alcohol.” He murmured into her shoulder. She pulled back, grinned and told him of course. Dean would be pleased.

 


	2. Tux Shopping and Cake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel joins the fray with a wedding cake. Castiel gets the jitters. Dean is as comforting as always.

“Well, well, well—isn’t it Bridezilla and baby cuz? What brings you to my humble kitchen?”

Gabriel was wearing a wide smirk, seemingly proud of himself and laughing at his own humor. He looked happy. Much happier then he did many years ago, when he was still living with his side of the family.

Anna just grinned at Gabriel. “How’s my cake going, asshole?” She sounded strangely loving.

He grinned in return and moved away from the table he had been working at with a flourish. He beckoned his two cousins over and brought them to another table just a couple of feet away. On it was a small beige cake and a bowl of green icing right beside it. “Layer one of three.” Gabriel explained proudly, “And a friend of mine is making those blue and pink flowers you wanted right now.”

Anna smiled brightly at that.

It was funny, because she wasn’t always a girly girl. She hadn’t been for most of her life. When she was a child she turned to outdoor sports and short hair. It was her own little form of rebellion. Their older sister had been scandalized. When their parents decided to do nothing about it, Anna decided to reject anything and everything feminine for as long as she could—which was quite a long time.

Halfway through college, things began to change though. Sometimes she’d put on nail polish. Occasionally she’d put on a dress. Straightening her now long hair became a constant. Eventually she gave up the pretense and learned to do what she wanted. It kinda sucked to earn Hester’s approval for once, but Anna refused to give up something she loved for rebellion’s sake. Especially her pretty wedding cake.

“It looks half-decent!” she finally said, faking shock as she looked at the beginnings of her cake.

Gabriel laughed, “It will be better then decent my dear. It will be like a belly button shot from a hooker to a fifty-year-old man.” And then of course he winked.

Both Anna and Castiel rolled their eyes at the same time.

*

Castiel hadn’t heard from Dean since he had texted him earlier that morning. After confirming that yes, there was going to be alcohol, they talked a little about a few mundane things. Then they didn’t speak all day.

It was strange to say the least. They had been talking every day for quite some time. Almost all day in fact. The lack of communication put Castiel in a sense of unease. Any second a text could pop up, and that thought put him in a state of torment. The idea of texting Dean never even occurred to him.

You see this was why he preferred talking on the phone. Not because he was pre-historic as Uriel so kindly put it. He just hated the waiting game. At least a call had some patterns and rhythms to it. Texting was an entirely different ballgame, with waiting times and no sense of tone. He didn’t respond well to either of those things.

Normally he would have told the other person to call him…but this was _Dean_. Dean with his busy schedule of two different jobs. Dean who takes care of his little brother as he flies through university. Dean who shouldn’t have any time for Castiel but somehow finds a way. Usually through texting. Today that didn’t seem the case and it was frustrating and worrying all at once.

He tried to focus on what Anna was saying instead of thinking about his phone’s lack of buzzing. He really did try. It wasn’t any use though; after the third change in topic he lost count. He couldn’t help but get stuck in his own head.

It didn’t take her long to realize. “ _Castiel!_ Are you even listening to me?”

He blinked and looked at her. She was frowning and crossing her arms over her chest. She looked less then thrilled at him, for good-ish reasons. She was used to him listening to her, so when he didn’t…let’s just say she didn’t like _not_ being heard.

“I’m sorry,” he said, truly apologetic, “It’s just…”

“What’s wrong?” her angered look lost its edge and concern took its place.

“Dean hasn’t contacted me in awhile. That’s unusual of him.”

“…How long is awhile?”

“Since this morning.”

For a second Anna looked like she wanted to laugh. She smiled and bit her lip for a few seconds before letting out a large sigh. “That’s not so bad. Considering that it’s only been seven or so hours since then.”

“But…it’s not like him.” Castiel couldn’t help but defend. Maybe he was overreacting? Maybe he was acting foolishly? Maybe—

His thoughts stopped when Anna grabbed his shoulder, “Relax brother. I believe you. Why don’t you call him?”

“ _Call_ him?” Castiel asked, giving her the most incredulous look he could master.

“Yes, call! It’s easier and much more satisfying then a text any day.” She grinned, wiggling her eyebrows at him.

He grimaced at her. He didn’t want to call. He loved phone calls, but making the first move? Calling Dean because he was concerned—not only concerned, but also worried because he hasn’t heard from him for seven hours? Even Castiel, socially inept as he was, knew that that was guaranteed embarrassment right there.

“Castiel, you can and _should_ do this. You enjoy Dean’s company. You genuinely like him, and he’s a good guy. He’ll probably appreciate the concern even. And it’ll make you feel much better. Now call him.” Somehow, Anna’s voice reached the point of ‘ _I love you and I understand where you’re coming from but either way you’re going to confront your fear before I kick you in the shin.’_ The voice she usually used with him when his fears were holding him back.

He could no longer it. He didn’t know why the fear was there. All he knew was that now of all times it was deciding to rear its ugly head.

He gave a sigh as his hands started to shake. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket and went into his contacts. Scrolling down to Dean’s name with difficult with his hands freaking out the way they were, but he somehow managed. Thankfully Anna remained a constant presence at his side, one that promised him that he would be just fine.

He pressed dial.

It rang quite a few times—so many that he almost hung up—but eventually Dean picked up.

“Hello?” he asked, his voice rough and low. He sounded out of breath.

“Hello Dean.” Castiel felt himself calm at the voice of his friend. His low pitch and rumbling voice had become a comfort to Cas over the time they had spent together. Despite the terrifying positions Dean had put him in. It was ironic in a way.

“Heya Cas!” Dean said, his voice coming more alive.

“Hello…” Castiel repeated before gritting his teeth. Hadn’t been making the call for even two minutes and he already messed up. Anna gripped his shoulder, as if sensing his unhappiness.

“Hello,” Now Dean definitely sounded amused, “What’s up man?”

“Um, well…” What was he supposed to say? You haven’t talked to me in awhile and I got worried? I miss you? It all sounded so stupid.

That’s when Anna came to his rescue.

“Do you want to go tux shopping with me?” she whispered in Castiel’s free ear. He repeated that into the phone.

Dean sighed and Castiel tensed up.

“Listen…”

Worst-case scenario after worst-case scenario filled his mind. Anna squeezed his shoulder tighter. He didn’t like any of this at all.

“I don’t think I can go to the wedding.”

Castiel’s stomach dropped.

“I can’t afford one man. Even with two jobs, I wouldn’t be able to get enough money for a decent one. Sammy’s a hungry kid you know? And the tux I do have? It’s all old and shit. Probably doesn’t even fit me anymore.” Dean laughed awkwardly into the phone, “I’m sorry man…”

What could he say to that? Should he apologize too? Tell him not to worry about it? Hang up?

“Offer to take him shopping for one. I’ll help you get the money.” Anna whispered. He wanted nothing more then to embrace his sister in that moment.

“Cas? You angry with me?”

“Erm, no…Actually, if you want, I can take you shopping for one. I-I mean I can buy you one.”

“…You want to get me a tuxedo?” He sounded like he didn’t quite believe it.

“Yes.”

“I can’t let you do that. They’re so expensive.”

Anna beckoned for the phone, and Castiel gave her it.

“Hello Dean! This is Anna, Castiel’s sister. You were one of the strippers at my bachelorette party?”

Castiel didn’t embarrass easily, but he was so very close to feeling it.

“Yeah, listen…it’s not a problem getting you a suit. Thankfully we have some extra money left over after cutting some costs. I can give a little to you to pay for the suit…Uh huh…Look, if it means that much to you, it can be a loan. Now the question is, do you want to go to the wedding or not? Now that your excuse is gone?” Anna never beat around the bush.

There was a pause before Dean said something. That something made Anna grin. Castiel felt his tension melt away.

“Thanks Dean. I guess you and Cas can hash out the details later? Yep, I call him that too! Barely anyone calls him by his full name. Anyways, chao.”

She hung up the phone, a look of pride on her face.

“Anna.” Was all he could say. What was he feeling? Happiness? Anger? Mortification? No, no, he wasn’t embarrassed. He had learned a long time ago that there was no shame in asking for help. Relief maybe?

Either way, the emotions that escaped him must have shown on his face, because she smiled. “You’re welcome.”

*

He eventually did ‘hash out the details’ with Dean. They decided two days from Anna’s call they would meet—four days before Anna’s wedding. It was a bit of a tight squeeze but they were able to manage it. Hannah and Rachel had come to town just the day before, so they were on helping the bride/keeping the bride calm duty while he was gone.

Castiel was oddly excited as he made his way to a bar called _The Roadhouse._ That was where he was meeting Dean, before heading to the nearest suit store. Despite trying on quite a couple of them two days earlier with Anna, Cas had not found the right-fitting suit. Which was all right seeing as he now had an excuse to hang out with Dean. That was why he’s so excited.

He hadn’t seen Dean in a week. It would be nice to see him. Especially in his place of work.

He loved seeing people in their own environments. Hannah with his cousins, Gabriel in a kitchen, Rachel with fabrics…seeing them working towards a goal, one that would give them the reward of happiness in the end, was something that Castiel enjoyed seeing. And he knew that the bar was a place where Dean enjoyed to work. Maybe not as much as he enjoyed the auto shop, but enough to not pull his hair out every night. And while alcohol probably wasn’t Dean’s passion, he still created something out of nothing every not. Or alcohol into more interesting forms of alcohol, if you were being truthful. It would be interesting to see.

When Castiel first stood in front of the building, his first thought was _old_ and _dark_. The building looked like it was falling apart. And unlike the bars down the street, this bar didn’t have flashing lights in the front or a patio. It looked like an obscure place that you’d dare your friends to go try. Or a place you’d pass by every day on your way to work but never notice. He couldn’t help but wonder how the place stayed open.

Treading carefully, he walked over to front door. It had an open sign on it that flickered instead of glowed. He sent a quick prayer up to the heavens that the thing lying behind that door wouldn’t murder him. Then he quickly opened it, to the surprise of his life.

The place was _packed_.

It was only five o’clock at night and the entire place was teeming full of people. They were all laughing, joking, playing pool and drinking copious amounts of alcohol. The smell of almost a hundred sweaty people and spilled drinks wafted into Castiel’s nose.

He had just enough time to make eye contact with Dean, who was across the room and grinning at him, before he ran away as fast as he could in the opposite direction.

When he got outside in the cool air, he breathed as deeply as he dared. Cool air filled his nose and lungs. Ah, clean-ish city air. It had never failed him. Not even once.

Behind him the bar door opened.

“Shit man—that was an asshole move of me. Forgot you hate crowds.” Dean commented. He came up beside him and grabbed onto Castiel’s shoulder. “You okay?”

“Fine. I was caught off-guard.” He insisted, “I didn’t expect there to be so many people.”

“That’s the usual crowd. Well, the Friday crowd at least. And that’s nothing—at least, compared to tomorrow’s crowd.” Dean shrugged, taking his hand and putting it back to his side.

“I will probably never meet you here on Saturdays then.” Castiel snarked, trying to get ahold of himself. He had only stepped into the crowd for _one_ second. There’s was no need to react like this.

“Dude, you sure you’re okay?” He felt the touch of Dean yet again on his shoulder. He was concerned. Castiel felt himself relax at the thought. His breathing came easier and soon enough he was able to right himself again. And Dean kept holding on despite Castiel movements. Cas practically warmed at the thought.

“I’m fine. Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think in the comments :)


	3. Regrets and Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little look into the month that brought them to the present, tux shopping and some angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry guys. Life has been /extremely/ busy as of late, and I've only had the chance to breathe again recently. Didn't help that my anxiety levels got to such an extreme point that I was crippled with writer's block. Don't worry, I'm back and somewhat myself. Hopefully some of you might consider following it again, and if not that's okay too. Either way, enjoy! And once more, let constructive comments be polite please.

It was amazing how you can become so familiar with someone so quickly.

Castiel’s sisters told him time and time again that he trusted too easily, that becoming familiar and open to someone too quickly would just hurt him in the long run. But it _just felt right_ this time _._ This relationship was different.

Castiel barely felt the month that had passed by them so quickly. He remembered their first date like it was yesterday, but it still felt like ages had passed since then. He had been half an hour early for their first date and was nervous as all hell.

When Dean walked in Castiel had a heart palpitation. At least it felt like one. Then his heart started beating at full force. He tried to hide this fact with a blank expression, but it was quite hard. He cursed his body.

Meanwhile Dean slowly came towards him. A huge grin was on his face as he fiddled with the bottom of his old leather jacket. If it wasn’t for that little nervous tick, Castiel suspected Dean would have seemed like the most nonchalant person in there. Strangely enough, Castiel preferred that Dean was nervous. It showed he cared as much as he did.

And that was it. Just knowing he cared, even a little bit, was enough to relax Castiel somewhat. He relaxed even further as the date went on. The more Castiel laughed, the more Dean grinned at him, the more the two talked on and on, the more Castiel couldn’t help but fall into…’like’ with him. He _really_ liked Dean. And that scared the shit out of him more then pre-date nerves did.

When he and Anna talked that night after her insistence, he confided this. She smiled softly but her eyes told more then words could say. Sadness, pity. She knew he simply couldn’t help himself when it came to liking and loving others. It was hard for him when it began to happen with or without his consent. He hated being helpless to his body and to others in that way. So she put her arm around his shoulder and told him what he wanted to hear. What he had known all along.

“He’s a good man Castiel. Even if it all goes to shit and it ends, you won’t regret him.”

You see, Castiel was prone to regrets. He certainly regretted Barth and April. And knowing that he’d do good by Dean, that no matter how the relationship ended he’d end up a happier for it…it was exactly what he wanted to hear.

After that conversation he became less scared. Less prone to doubt. He attached and laughed and liked Dean all the more with every conversation. It was elating. He hadn’t felt that way in a long time. Barth from a year ago was always dangerous you see. He always sent up red flags and sent Castiel up the wall. But he was interesting and exhilarating. He kept Castiel on his toes. He was the asshole that everyone, including Castiel, had to fall for once in their life—according to Anna at least. And before Barth was Amelia. She was kind and warm, but also boring. She gave him the connection he wanted but he couldn’t seem to fall in love. Or in lust for that matter. She was too perfect and too safe.

Dean was a nice in-between. He was full of warmth and understanding. He also pushed Castiel to his limits and never settled for less. He was amazing. Castiel could see himself falling for Dean one day, and that thought no longer scared him to death. He just prayed that Dean could feel the same way.

Sometimes he liked to think he did. Sometimes Cas would see a hidden look here or an admiring smile there. He liked to think there was a chance. He especially liked his odds on nights like this one. With them walking around, eating dinner, joking and laughing freely. The way Dean would finally unwind and look at Castiel like he’d been missing him. He was sure he looked the exact same way.

*

Shopping was a lot more tolerable with Dean around. Shopping for a suit with Anna was stressful and guilt-filling. With Dean it was actually kind of…entertaining? Especially with Dean grumbling and moaning—he was not finding the experience entertaining—while also trying to show his gratitude by pretending to be ecstatic.

Of course such a relaxing time couldn’t go on for too long.

“So…what was with Anna talking to me over the phone?” Dean asked, his tone light and airy.

They had picked up a couple of suits and were now changing in their respective change rooms. Dean of course teased him relentlessly about joining him and helping him change. And with anyone else Castiel would have given a lecture or at the very least a scowl. But he didn’t do either, because the underlying fear or anger wasn’t there. He knew Dean and therefore trusted him. He wouldn’t hurt him…

Hopefully.

When answering Castiel decided to be as blunt with Dean as possible, “I was nervous. She helped out where she could. She’s always been much better at being social with others.”

Dean was silent for a minute before giving a little laugh.

“What?”

“It must be an older sibling thing. While Sam is as social as a freaking butterfly he gets nervous too sometimes around people, so I have to cover for his ass.” Dean mused.

“Aren’t all teenagers like that?” Castiel asked. It was with actual curiosity, because it’s been a couple of years since he was that age. And if he remembered correctly most of him and his friends were like that.

You wouldn’t have known it was a legitimate question though, if Dean’s laugh was any indication.

Castiel smiled at the sound before letting a companionable silence settle between them.

“I won’t be able to pay you back right away you know.” Dean finally said a few minutes later. His voice was quiet and was laced with an emotion that Castiel could not quite place. “I’ll pay you guys back within a few months though.”

He sounded uncomfortable. It was the second time it had sounded like such. The first time was when Dean apologized for trying to wrap his arm around Castiel when he wasn’t ready for it. Cas found he didn’t like the sound of it at all.

“Dean, it’s quite all right. Anna doesn’t mind paying for it. Consider it a gift.” He should have known that was the wrong thing to say.

“I don’t take charity, man.” Dean insisted. His voice was tight now and clipped. The discomfort was still there.

“Of course not. It’s hardly charity. It’s…”

“What Cas?”

“A gift?” He couldn’t help the questioning tone. He didn’t know how else to describe the giving of the tux. In a way it could count as both charity and a gift. However, in many ways, it was a bribe. A bribe to make Dean go to the wedding. Well, not _make_ him, but at least convince him. And there was no way Castiel was going to tell him as much.

Dean scoffed. “Tuxes are not the gift you give a casual date. Maybe a casual fuck, but not a casual date. Especially one that hasn’t even kissed you.”

Castiel froze. A silence stretched between them. Suddenly he couldn’t quite breathe right and guilt flooded through his system.

He should have known better.

The flippant comment was one that Castiel had heard several times before. At least in other forms. He’d heard it time and time again with almost every single partner he’d had over the years. There weren’t many of them of course, but it was enough to set a precedent. People didn’t like when you didn’t give them kisses. Or sex. They didn’t like that he wasn’t attracted to them. They refused to listen to him when he told them over and over that he wished he was, and to give it time. None of them wanted to take the chance.

Dean had though. When Castiel finally told him three dates in the entire story—his sexuality and what it meant for them essentially—the man took it well. He was a little flabbergasted but then he asked questions. And listened to the answers. And then he touched Castiel’s hand gently and told him it was fine.

What if he had been lying?

Would Dean be the next to join his list of lost chances and regrets?

Castiel couldn’t do up the rest of the buttons on his shirt. He felt frozen to the spot. Seconds felt like hours. By some miracle it only took a few of those seconds for his body to thaw. He began to unbutton the dress shirt.

“Dude…I…that was a dick move. Don’t fucking listen to me.” Dean finally said, his voice still tight. But not in an angry way—there was a different feeling there. Castiel couldn’t tell what it was.

“I heard you loud and clear.” He was able to force out as he unbuttoned the shirt all the way. He couldn’t keep silent, despite the anger and disappointment building in him and how easy it would be to say something he’d regret.

“No, I…this is such a stupid place to talk. Can we go for a coffee?”

“We just ate.” He commented dryly, taking off the dress pants. All he needed was to pull his clothes on—buttoned and zipped up or not—and then he could scurry away. He was already mapping out the way to Anna’s in his head.

“I know, I…how about a walk? You like walks.” Dean’s voice raised a pitch.

“I like running.” _Which I plan on doing now_.

“Dude, please, let me explain.”

Castiel’s pants were unzipped and his shirt was unbuttoned halfway, but he couldn’t be in the stall anymore. He ignored the squeal the curtain gave as he opened it and went straight for his shoes.

Dean opened his own curtain. He was shirtless and the only thing he wore was the dress pant he was wearing. Castiel felt his chest constrict. To him it symbolized what he should want, what he wanted to want…but in the end, couldn’t.

With one shoe on, Castiel went to leave.

Before he could though, Dean was in his way. His eyes were pleading yet his face was relaxed. “Look, I didn’t mean it like that. You know I didn’t. I told you I don’t mind and I still don’t. I also haven’t forced you to kiss me or fuck me, not that I need a prize for that. And you know I’m not going to force you. I like you, Cas.”

Castiel melted. Despite the rage and upset in his belly, he felt himself calm.

Dean was right. Other then putting his arm around him that one time, the barista never overstepped his bounds. And vice versa. And truly, he didn’t want their time together to end. Especially over some insensitive comment.

Dean still looked pleading. In a way, he reminded Cas of a puppy or a cat. He could no longer help himself. “All right.”

“All right?” Dean asked with his eyebrow arched.

“I believe you.” Castiel explained, and to save himself some dignity he turned around and walked back into the changing room. As he closed the curtain, he heard from behind him, “Are you wearing just one shoe?”

He rolled his eyes and grumbled at the sound of Dean’s laughing.

*

The end of the night approached quickly. Both of them, thankfully enough, found a suit that suited them. Ever-the-gentleman Dean walked Castiel back to Anna’s place, where he was staying for the few months until school started again. He didn’t have enough money in his college fund to get his own place but that was okay. Despite Castiel’s tendency to barricade himself in his room and Michael and Anna’s tendency to be… _loud_ , it worked. Living together for a few months at a time made them both love and hate each other all the more. Long story short, it was usually a pretty good few months.

When they got to the front stoop leading to the lobby of Anna’s apartment building, they both stopped. This was what they did. It was routine by then. Sometimes they’d stand there for almost an hour, neither willing to stop talking and end the night first. This time they were both quiet. It was an easy quiet though—with only a twinge of awkwardness in it.

Castiel turned towards Dean. He looked content but avoided his eyes still. He had been avoiding his eyes most of the night, despite their cheerful banter since the dressing room. Castiel knew enough by then to know that it was both a form of guilt and respect. He wasn’t a huge fan of that.

“I had a good time.” He gave a small smile. He hoped it would somewhat appease the guilt. It didn’t seem to but Dean gave a big grin all the same. “I did too.”

They stared at each other a bit more.

Castiel knew their time was coming to an end, and God only knew when he’d see the green-eyed man again, so he did the only thing he could think of—he grabbed for Dean’s hand and held it. _Just for a few seconds, then I can let go._ He squeezed the hand gently, like it was the most fragile and precious thing in the world, before loosening up. He didn’t quite let go, but he loosened enough that if Dean wanted to free himself he could.

Dean didn’t free himself.

Instead he squeezed back and gently petted one of Cas’ fingers. His grin had turned soft and he looked down to their hands. Cas continued to look at Dean.

That was of course when Dean’s phone rang. He looked away from their hands with a frown before grabbing his phone and answering it. He didn’t let go of Cas’ hand. He couldn’t help but smile at that fact.

“All right, all right I’m sorry man. I didn’t know it was that late. I’ll be home real soon.” Dean ended the call before looking at Cas. His face was filled with reluctance. “I gotta go. Sam.” That was all he needed to explain. Cas knew at this point that Dean was at Sam’s beck and call. Surprisingly enough he didn’t mind. It was actually quite admirable.

He nodded and squeezed Dean’s hand one more time before letting go and reaching for his keys. “Goodnight Dean.”

The man nodded and gave a small smile, “Night Cas.” Then he walked away into the night.

Castiel gave a small sigh before letting himself inside.


	4. Hester

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only a few days until the wedding and family are finally flying into town. Tensions are high and Castiel is full of anxiety. Will he pull through?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! Also trigger warning for bad coming out scene.

Two days before Anna’s wedding. All that was left were final touch ups on wedding plans, a few confirmations with guests, a wedding rehearsal and the church and reception area to decorate.

And of course the actual wedding.

Thank God Anna wasn’t an anxious person. Sure, she was terrified of commitment and of seeing her family, but at the very least she wasn’t terrified of _everything_.

Castiel kind of was.

He was part of the wedding party you see. He was going to walk Anna down the aisle, seeing their Dad wasn’t there to do it. Which meant he’d have to make sure he didn’t fall, that his suit was nice, that he didn’t mess up his lines and that he kept the bride calm. It was all a little overwhelming and he couldn’t even _imagine_ what Anna was thinking right now. Why did he encourage her to say yes to Michael’s proposal again?

Oh yeah because they were meant for each other. Which on the grand scheme of things was amazing—but at the moment was also very detrimental to how Cas was feeling at the moment.

Didn’t help that he hadn’t seen anyone outside his family in a couple of days. He has been practically glued to Anna’s side. Sometimes not even by choice. He’d had to give up a date with Dean when the flower people messed up the bouquet and he had to ignore Uriel’s calls when Anna barged into his room and started ranting about how one of the bridesmaids ruined her dress (he could guess who).

He wanted nothing more then to have a relaxing night in front of the television but no he’s not even allowed that. You see…All of his sisters were coming into town. After the bachelorette party, all of them had gone their separate ways. Rachel went to do her own exams and Hannah went to nanny their younger cousins. They were both thankfully able to make it back just in time.

They weren’t the ones Castiel worried over.

Hester was also coming into town. The thought of seeing her again after so long just tied his stomach into ribbons and made his palms sweat. If he could he’d avoid it and her altogether. But Hannah and Rachel had insisted on him making peace. Or at the very least, for him being tolerant.

The worst part is that he was going to. The last thing he wanted was to make a scene on his sister’s day. So he’d deal with whatever Hester through at him and the weekend would be over before he knew it…hopefully.

“Ready to go?” Anna asked. She was at the door. She held herself confidently. Her body was straight and her outfit was beautifully tame. Instead of looking like she was ready for a fight, it seemed to be ready to stay calm amidst all the chaos.

Of course, she’d been less then calm leading up to it. Three times that day she almost called to uninvite her older sister. She gave two long, angry rants about her. And once she almost decided to add blueberry—Hester’s most loathed food—to her wedding cake just to be spiteful. Thanks to Cas, she didn’t do that. And after a few talks from him, she seemed prepared. Ready. Coiled but unwilling to make the first hit.

He was _really_ grateful for that.

*

When they were all children, Hester was all they had. Their father was always on book tours and when he was home he was writing his latest novel in his study. Being almost a decade older, she looked after her three younger siblings.

The only problem is she had no maternal bones in her body. She instead learned from her own dysfunctional mother and father and copied. Or tried to. Then she’d throw in lessons learned from their strict Catholic school for good measure. The end result was a mess.

She was good at providing necessities. Meals were always made and lunch was always bagged. She made sure homework was done and teeth were clean. The house was always spotless under her regime. If it wasn’t, or if they talked back or refused to follow her, she’d punish by taking away things they loved.

He thinks that’s what caused Anna to lose all of her respect for their older sister at the tender age of thirteen. When the budding teenager didn’t get an A in one of her classes, Hester took away her sketchbook and pencils. Her one form of expression that kept her teenage angst at bay and balanced her out. When it was gone, Anna had had enough. That was the night where she burned her dresses and cut her own hair short. Any form of rebellion she could get away with.

Castiel lost all respect for Hester when he came out to her. He had had hope once upon a time. That Anna and Hester would eventually get along, his father would come home and they’d all be the good family he needed. But when he eventually admitted that he was capable of being a spouse to any person of any gender (or no gender even) and attraction was extremely difficult to create for him, that hope and image died. Instead of getting angry or acting upset, she did what she usually did—she took away things he loved. But instead of taking away any of his Earthly possessions or privileges she took away something much worse. She took away her love and affection. Any gaze she gave to him was cold and calculating. Any words she said had bite. Any familiarity they had shared went down the drain.

Cas had never felt more broken and unwanted in his life. Coming from an outcast, that was a huge deal.

He had Anna thankfully. She picked up the pieces of him and glued him back together. Sometimes he wondered if this was just another act of rebellion on her part. After a year or so, he decided it couldn’t. The love she showed was too kind to be a cruel trick.

Of course this didn’t gain Anna any favors with Hester. They had many fights over him. He heard them late in the night. Anna cursing and raising her voice, Hester poised and ruthless. It was horrible. That was why, only a year or two after, he was so thankful to move away with Anna. They rented an apartment together until Cas went to school. It was honestly the best months of his young life.

That memory was all he could think of when Hester’s face came into view.

As he saw her walking through the airport gates he wanted nothing more then to retreat to those times. Or better yet skip the entire meeting and avoid her during the entire wedding. Just hide behind Dean and leave as soon as the cake was cut.

The only thing that stopped him was the look on Anna’s face. Her calm façade cracked a little and all he could see was the bitterness and resentment beneath. Without even looking he could tell her feet were starting to bounce and she wanted to run away just as badly.

He also knew the flak she’d receive from the rest of the family. You see they had already lost Hester. They didn’t want to lose more family because of that unresolved tension. Despite that, he knew she would be honestly considering just walking away.

So he blindly groped for her hand. When he eventually found it he gave it a tiny squeeze. In return she squeezed his hand tightly in her own for a few seconds and then let go. When he looked over, her façade was back in place.

Hester looked around for a few seconds before her gaze settled on them. Her hair was perfectly curled and her outfit was professional and unwrinkled. You would think she’d be going to work rather then reuniting with family. She had the ‘resting bitch face’ gene that Anna insisted ran in the family, and her face didn’t change when she saw them. No smile, no familiarity, no twinkle in her eye. She just saw them and made her way over.

What happened next was the most awkward moment of Castiel’s life. And believe me, he had many an awkward moment. But those few seconds, where they stood there and eyed each other, was the longest and most painfully awkward seconds he’d ever been a part of. And he’d accidently sat on a stranger’s lap once.

Anna broke the silence first. “Hello Hester.” Her smile was so obviously faked, but hey at least she was trying. Castiel couldn’t even muster up one. He felt that if he even twitched, he’d spill his lunch all over her pristine shoes.

Despite all the years and distance between them, he still had the same reaction to seeing her every time—pure fear and helplessness. It was like he was that sixteen-year-old coming out to his big sister every single time. It gutted him even though he should have expected it. No self-talk or coping mechanisms can ever prepare you for the real thing apparently.

“Hello Anna. Castiel.” She couldn’t even grace him with a hello. Her blue eyes shifted from where they had rested on Anna to look at him. Her stare was unyielding. She appraised him with no shame and seemed to reach a conclusion swiftly enough, because she looked back to Anna after only a few seconds. Castiel still felt the need to throw up.

“How was your flight?” Anna bit out. Ever his older sister in shining armor.

“Terrible. There was a large man in front of me invading my space and a teenage girl with poor quality earphones sat beside me. I heard every single annoying song she was listening to.” A look of disgust crossed Hester’s face. She had always hated teenagers. Castiel still didn’t know _how_ she was able to live in the same house as them while all her younger siblings grew.

“I’m sure you weren’t a joy to sit beside either.” Anna smiled.

Barely a minute. That was how long they had been able to last without a single insult. That was better then two Christmases ago. They had been yelling at each other literally five seconds after Anna and Castiel left the gate.

Hester’s eyes flashed and she opened her mouth.

“Hello Hester.”

The two women paused. Hester’s mouth closed and she looked at Cas. She slowly began to frown. And well Anna…she didn’t even bother hiding her shock. Her eyes were wide and an eyebrow was raised.

“I’m sorry to hear your flight was unpleasant.” Oh yes, he remembered why they looked so shocked. He spoke. He rarely spoke in front of Hester. He tried to avoid it to be honest. Less ways that way for Hester to belittle him.

However he couldn’t help himself now. His voice was spilling from him without his permission. Maybe it was the way the ladies had looked, with their teeth bared and nostrils practically flaring. Maybe it was the way Anna was so righteous and angry on his behalf. Maybe it was because he was tired of feeling helpless. Either way, he had spoken, and it was too late to turn back.

Before any of them could say anything more thankfully, Rachel was upon them like a storm. “Heya! How are things going?” She then eyed them all carefully. She knew their history. She knew she could have been walking into a shitstorm. Castiel had to fight a grimace when a pang of sympathy and pain went out to her.

“Great! Apparently Hester’s flight was absolutely horrid; how was yours?” And just like that, crisis avoided. He just hoped all the next weekend’s crises could be solved just as easily.

*

“I’m glad it went better then you thought it would.” Dean said, his voice slightly different but still mostly calming, even coming from a phone. While Castiel would have preferred it being in person, he had to come to terms with the fact that they were both busy people. Dean had two jobs, Castiel had a family to keep from falling apart—it was a demanding time they were living in.

“Yes, so am I.” Castiel said, lying on his bed. After an uneventful few hours with his sisters, before which Hester hastily excused herself to her motel room, he was exhausted. All that anxiety had drained any energy that was inside him.

However he wanted to talk to Dean first. The man was slowly becoming a fixture in his life, and it was starting to become uncomfortable if he _didn’t_ talk to him just before bed. He longed for their conversations, no matter how short, about their mundane days and their families and the world in which they lived in. They gave Castiel a peace he hadn’t truly experienced in a very long time.

“Hey man, I have to go. Work the morning shift tomorrow.” Dean said, his voice dripping in reluctance. And while Castiel felt a pang of twin reluctance, he understood. Didn’t make the twinge of sadness in his heart go away though. But he grinned and bore it.

“Of course…Good night Dean.” Castiel whispered.

There was a pause. Like the one akin to their goodbyes right after one of their dates. An air of the unspoken. A silence filled with sentiments they wish they could voice. But neither said a word. No confirmations of a relationship, no assurances of care. Just another awkward moment in a life full of them.

“Goodnight Cas.”


	5. Different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Subtle changes in both Cas' and Dean's lives that both lift them up and drag them down, as a unit and separately.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dunno how many of you are still following this, but if you are, please let me know! Because while I do love this story and want to write it, it is taxing on me. So if you want it to continue please let me know.

The Novaks, surprisingly enough, spent a nice next day together. Probably because Hester stayed in her hotel room. Of course no one except Rachel complained about that one.

“This is so stupid!” she had exclaimed as the four siblings stood outside their older sister’s door. She honestly looked so upset. Anna, Castiel and Hannah hadn’t really cared all that much. They had known something like this would happen, so it wasn’t much of a surprise.

Rachel apparently thought it would be the ‘everyone finally forgives and accepts each other now’ weekend though. Not that Castiel could blame her—he had wished so many times for exactly that—but thankfully he had reached a point of accepting that might never be the case. Poor young Rachel hadn’t.

“Come on; we’ll go grab some ice cream down the street.” Was what Hannah used to convince Rachel to let her go. Apparently she hadn’t grown out of their childhood either.

Together they all had a splendid time. They went shopping, which the girls enjoyed and which Castiel enjoyed only because they enjoyed it. They did all the sightseeing they hadn’t done yet. They even had a picnic in an actual park, where Anna’s fiancé finally caught up with them. It was the perfect remedy for Anna’s growing stress and the perfect distraction/blessing Castiel needed. It reassured him that it was very possible for him to make it through the wedding in one peace. That he’d have his sisters, his cousins, some friends and above all Dean. He could do this.

He hoped.

*

Dean Winchester sighed as he opened the driver’s seat door to his Impala. With little grace, he fell into the seat as soon as the door was mostly out of the way. He sat there for a few seconds, his head lying back against the headrest and eyes closed. If he had his way he’d fall asleep right there.

Of course it was almost one in the morning and his door was open. Probably not the safest place to sleep. So he sighed again, settled properly into the seat and closed the door.

A month before, he probably would have careened out of the parking lot to the heaven that was his sweet bed. But first there was one thing he had to do—he grabbed his phone. He pushed the home button and almost immediately gave a small smile.

_Good night Dean. :)_

Dean had had only one long-term relationship in his young life. Her name had been Lisa and she had been lovely. He hadn’t been prepared for her though. He had been in one-night-stands and _very-_ short-terms and friends-with-benefits, but nothing usually surpassed a month. He had always been fine with that. He loved sex and he already had enough on his plate. A girlfriend or boyfriend would just be a burden.

Lisa had been an accident really. They started as fuck buddies, then started hanging out before or after the sex, and then the occasional dinner because they were both hungry were they not? Things began escalating from there. Before they knew it they’d been dating for three months.

After that Dean decided _why not_? It was an experience, and the last thing he wanted was to be a relationship newb after all. So he kept dating her and eventually they made it official. He thought it would be cool; it already worked so well between them, with chemistry and schedules and great sex in between.

But then something changed. Soon after they started calling each girlfriend and boyfriend she began to act different. Asked for more of his time, got a lot more cuddly and intimate and even asked him if he wanted to meet her son!

You see Dean was used to nonchalance. He didn’t usually know the people he ‘dated’ all to deeply. Just the basic amounts, just enough so he didn’t feel like a creep for fucking someone he didn’t even know the name of. So when she opened up so swiftly…he panicked. He felt trapped and wanted to get out as soon as possible.

Around the five-month mark, he broke up with her. Dean moved on to the next person a week later.

Sam tried to convince him to wallow, to grieve so there’d be no leftover feelings, but Dean didn’t listen. He didn’t want to feel anything so in his mind he wasn’t. He put his brain into his work and bought himself tiny things to treat himself with the extra money. A more expensive beer, a couple of burgers, a subscription to a porn mag and even new tire rims for his Baby. And of course slept with all the people he couldn’t when he was with Lisa. It hadn’t been a terrible month.

Sam was right though. Those leftover feelings slapped him in the face one night when, at Bobby’s strangely enough, a small family with their broken-down car came in. Nothing peculiar. It was a quick fix and easy money. The only problem was…Dean couldn’t help but peek into the waiting room once in awhile. He looked at the man, the woman and their young boy. Despite the stress of having nothing to do and no car, they all seemed to use that time to their advantage. They played, they laughed, they watched the television on the wall. They were a small, perfect unit.

It broke him.

When they left with their working car Dean couldn’t help but run to the bathroom straight after. He didn’t sob or scream or anything. He just sat and stared at his knees. There was a pressure on his chest that wouldn’t seem to go away and his hands trembled on his lap. Bobby found him there ten minutes later and told him to go home, have the day off.

Later that night, when he sat all alone and the pressure still weighing on him, he honestly considered the fact that long-term relationships weren’t for him. That he wasn’t made for it. Why would it hurt so badly if he was? Why would he mess it all up so badly despite the fact that he wanted it? He wasn’t cut out for it.

Yet, there he was, in the present. He cared for Castiel in the same way he cared for Lisa. He knew that more then likely the relationship was going to end up long-term. He knew that need to run and that suffocation of being with someone so whole-heartedly should’ve enclosed him by now.

But things were somehow…different.

For one thing, relationship was completely the polar opposite to what he usually did. Usually by a month in, he had his partner would have fucked on every surface of his apartment. Cas and him hadn’t even had kissed yet. Seeming as most of his relationships had them kissing within the first hour of meeting each other, that was already extremely different. Yet thankfully it wasn’t too hard. While he missed kissing and fucking with fervor, he also was kind of enjoying going slow. He never had before. It was an experiment he had never tried and it was an experience that he had never gone through. And sure, going from fucking to no-kissing was a bit of an extreme leap, but he figured it was worth trying.

Because Castiel was a pretty amazing dude. He was blunt, awkward and all sorts of fucking adorable. He wore the same trench coat _everywhere_ and Ancient Languages was his major. With strangers he was shy but when he knew you he pulled no punches. He wore his heart on his tan-coated sleeve and he seemed so unafraid.

He was so unlike Dean’s normal ‘type’. Dean’s type was witty and cold-shouldered. Someone who didn’t dare show any semblance of vulnerability. In return he kept his own heart close to himself. He wasn’t used to being open in any relationship, other then the one with his brother Sam and his Uncle Bobby. So that the fact that Cas wasn’t like the others, that he was someone Dean actually _wanted_ to open up to was weird. And amazing. And fucking new and interesting and something he needed in his life. Even if it wasn’t forever. Even if he did fuck it up.

Sam would say Dean has grown since Lisa. His brother was worried about Dean ending up alone and gray because he was afraid. And well, that just might happen. But at least he wasn’t going down without a fight.

Speaking of Sam, Cas wasn’t the only one who had sent him a text.

_Class cancelled. Will be home soon. If I’m up maybe we can hang?_

Dean smiled. It had been a long time since they chilled together. Even before Cas, he had been busy working two jobs and was usually too exhausted by the time he got home to do much else. Now in between the jobs and Cas? It was a miracle if he had enough downtime to do anything with his little brother. Even just sitting down and having a coffee had to be planned out or a very sudden addition to his day when he had space. Not even including Sam’s crazy schedule of balancing out class, homework, his new girl Jessica and extracurriculars.

 _You better not be asleep. Be there in 15,_ Dean texted back to Sam. When it was sent off, he switched it back to his and Cas’ text exchanges. Gently and almost slowly, he typed out, _Good morning handsome :)_ before sending it that off as well.

Then, with a smile full of child-like charm, he turned on this car, turned the music up and prayed his nerd brother would be up and waiting for him.

*

When that night came, Anna and Castiel sat in their living room in silence. They had just finished their long day. They had dropped off the girls at the hotel and Michael was sleeping in Anna’s bedroom already. From the moment they got in the door, the two sat down on their couch and didn’t say a word. Both were lost in their own worries and trepidations and thoughts. Their mental vacation with their siblings was gone and they were back in reality.

It was a half-an-hour before Anna spoke.

“I’m scared Cas.”

It was the smallest of whispers but it seemed to ring loudly in Castiel’s ears. He looked over at her and could just barely see her. Their one lamp across the room was on, and the moon was shining through the living room window. Both illuminated her. The contrast of white and orange and the feebleness of both lights made it hard to truly see _her_. Sometimes Cas found it hard to see past his sister in shining armor with a face full of righteousness. Especially with the light enhancing all of that beauty in her.

Beyond all of that though he was able to see it. The quiver of her chin. The wideness of her eyes. How quickly her chest seemed to rise and fall.

While all he wanted to do was hold her and whisper how all right it would be, he knew how his sister worked. She needed to talk about it.

“Of?” he whispered back.

“Tomorrow. The wedding. Everything.” She avoided his gaze and stared right ahead. There was no focus there. She was lost.

Those five words and that look on her face made him clench his fists. While the first solution that sprung to mind didn’t make him happy, he knew that it was exactly what she needed to hear.

“Maybe you should cancel the wedding.”

Anna finally turned to look at him. Fear turned into ‘what the fuck?’

“Isn’t that…kinda what you’ve been trying to stop me from doing all week?” she asked in disbelief. Her whispers rose in intensity but thankfully not volume.

“Yes. However this is enough. You’ve been very stressed and anxious for a long time and it is too much, I can see that now. At first I thought it was just regular Anna-stress but now I see it’s more. If cancelling the wedding is what you must do, then it must be done.”

“But everyone’s here.”

“They’ll understand. And who cares about who doesn’t.”

“Everything is paid for.”

“Is money more important then your happiness?”

“Michael will be disappointed.”

“I think he wants your happiness more.”

“You’re doing this just to get out of confronting our family.”

This made Castiel pause and his heart clench. If he was being honest with himself, that was part of the reason he was so adamant. He was looking after his sister of course…but a part of him was still that sixteen-year-old kid, wanting desperately to be accepted by his family again but knowing it won’t happen. At least not at the moment.

So he gave a small sigh. He didn’t agree nor disagree.

“Goodnight Castiel.” Anna sighed in the dark and without looking at her brother she slipped past him into her bedroom.

Castiel felt guilt settle upon his chest.


End file.
